I was always a good cook, but had, over the years, improved my skills (some out of necessity) to the point that some would say that I could make something out of nothing. Routinely, I would make my own pasta and bread. My twin sister and I had even learned to can and make cheese. I mixed up my own starch and starched my husband’s dress shirts; I even purchased a press with which to press my husband’s dress pants for a more professional look, for I had become sorely displeased with the results of professional cleaners. I was an excellent budget manager. I performed much of the maintenance of our home, much of the yard work, and even took a cake decorating class. I had become quite proud of my domestic skills.

Yes, I could and did work at a place of employment, but never really enjoyed it and often despised it. I so longed to go part-time instead of full-time and be able to keep my house properly clean and maybe volunteer some. Things – life – often do not work out as we planned, however. My husband was involved in a car accident that would – unknown at the time – alter our lives and destinies forever.

After the accident, God surprised me when I suddenly become pregnant in very much of an unplanned pregnancy after nine years of marriage. After a life altering injury of one’s husband would be far from what people would consider ideal circumstances into which you would bring a child. So, a year and a half after my husband’s accident and one month after his neck surgery, our son was born. In short order, we realized this child was not “typical” in some ways. Neck brace on my husband, baby carriage in my sister’s hands, we left the hospital for home.

Life continued, my husband’s health would prove, in time, to have been wrecked by that auto accident. He worked so hard to support his family in spite of it all; for he was a very honorable man. I slowly took on all the work around the house as well as on the house. My husband worked and slept due to his injuries, but still managed to be an extremely dedicated and involved father whose son came to adore him.

Our life would suddenly take on another dramatic change on August 12, 2011; I would become a widow and single mother of a special needs child. Suddenly, my house of 19 years no longer felt like a home, but rather, just the place we lived and slept. This new state was something I never fathomed, regardless of God’s prior warnings. I would grieve, I would adjust, and I would live again, somehow. I had to, for I knew that is what my adoring husband wanted me to do. He dreamed of better things for me and an easier life without all the unbearable and impossible strains that our life together had given us.

There I stood on the precipice of my new life. Things had indeed changed drastically. Surprise, surprise . . . to me . . . I was writing a book about our amazing, terrifying, and absolutely miraculous 21 years together.

I had wondered after if all those domestic accomplishments and skills gained were for naught, for there was no place for that in my life anymore. I had to believe that God leads us as He does for a reason, so all of this knowledge and experience was for a purpose. Only time and God will reveal it all that would be in my world.

This all came at somewhat of an odd time. Our son turned 12 years old exactly two months after his father’s death, so I, as his mother, know that it is time for me to back away slightly, so as not to smother this up and coming young man. It is a delicate balance of comforting and guiding a grieving, hurting special needs son and continuing to be the parent, while not smothering him and his masculinity.

So I learned more every day, from my loving Heavenly Father, how to navigate this new territory I found myself in. He always has been and still remains so incredibly faithful! I looked ahead, with a focus I had never had, toward a new goal and purpose with singular focus. Perhaps it was not new after all. Maybe it was there all along, but it had to be laid aside for a while during the very difficult years of God’s developing me into more than I was.

After his passing, God opened the amazing beauties of His Word to me almost daily. He had drawn me into a walk with Him that I wondered if I could ever achieve. Now I know it is not my achievement at all, but His wooing and work in and through me. For all the miracles and sufferings will serve a great purpose in His plan for my future.

After writing all of the content of my book and very shockingly to me, Jesus had additional plans I knew not of. Sixteen months later I married a godly man at my church that my first husband and I had both known for decades. I entered into yet another unfathomable circumstance – the step family situation. I could have imagined many things 32 years ago, but none of this was among any of my imaginations! I still patiently watch as Jesus unfolds my path before me, lacing it with loving kindness and tender mercies, for the hands I held of suffering and sorrow have turned into grace and glory. . .because of and through Him. . .the one whom my soul loveth. But for now, I have finally published this book, “God Works in the Shadows, a Quarter of a Tank of Gas to a Smile.”